Am I crazy?
QUESTION: Masters, I’m not sure what is going on with me. All my relationships are going downhill, whether with family or with intimates. I’m told that a lot of things, or almost everything, is my fault. But, in my heart, I don’t feel that I am wrong. They say I live in a different reality, that I’m crazy, and always have to be the one to listen to every one of them, but I am never heard! Do I live in a different reality? Am I really wrong? If I am, what can I do to right my wrongs? ~Amanda, USA
ANSWER: Are you living in a different reality from family and friends? Yes. Is that wrong? Depends upon your perspective. To you, you are who you choose to be. The ones who tell you that you are crazy are the same people who want you to accept their vision of life blindly without questioning its application to yourself, and to “just do it.” Is it your “fault” that you will not cave in to their desires? Well, yes, it is. In your choice to honor yourself and your feelings, you have created a chasm between yourself and the school of think-alike fish who are your family and friends. They see your life as wrong because you will not join their group without questioning their direction.
Does this make you wrong? Absolutely not. Following your innermost directions is part of your journey of life. Your journey is distinct from that of everyone with whom you have come in contact in this life so far. You have wasted your time in trying to get them to listen to you and understand your decisions for your life. They are not ready to be where you are.
Even intimate situations you have entered have involved those most like your family because you thought that was what society is all about. Divorce yourself from the need to be accepted by them, which you have confused with their loving you, and venture forth. There are people out there who relish being with those who know enough about themselves to choose to be different from the throng.
Your first step is to get comfortable with yourself. Understand your wants and desires, and then go looking for them. Don’t let the ideas of others influence your life. Stop thinking in terms of things being either right or wrong. Start evaluating whether you choose to be doing what you are doing and being who you really are.