Tempering father’s behavior
QUESTION: Masters, much gratitude for all you are doing. I have always gotten on well with my family whom I love, but in the past, I haven’t always made my feelings and opinions clear. This is particularly the case with my father, who can be very generous, but also very selfish and controlling when he is feeling sorry for himself. I’m sure this could be levelled at all of us. But I’m concerned I (and possibly also my mother) am “enabling” him by not challenging this behavior enough. We have recently had new additions to the family and I’m concerned how his more negative traits will impact on them. If you are able I’d be grateful for any insights you have on this situation and what suggestions you might have for the future. ~Steven, UK
ANSWER: Your position regarding your father has been to deal with him without allowing him to interfere with your lessons. He has permitted you to see the different types of people who inhabit the planet and how relationships take place. Any time you share an action with another, there are overt and covert activities that affect each in various ways depending on their position in their journey.
You recognize that your father has beliefs that cause him to act at times in an extreme manner. You have learned not to take this personally and it hasn’t bothered you recently. You are correct that both you and your mother have allowed the behavior to exceed what is acceptable in normal society.
You have no obligations to insinuate yourself into his actions unless you desire. He is unaware of the effect that his opinions have on others. You have three possible actions. You can do nothing since it is his trip and he will change only if he wishes. You can tell him your observations about his boorish behavior and see if he recognizes and accepts the need for change. Or you can inform the new family members of his “peculiar” reactions in some situations, with the caveat that “it’s just him; don’t take it personally.”
If the new members are of tender age, they were aware of the potential of dealing with a situation such as this before they came, and it could be one of their chosen lessons. In any case, surround his soul with as much unconditional love as you can throw at him with the intention that he will learn his lessons.
He rather likes tension and negativity because he absorbs all the negative energy that is created by the distress of those he impacts. Comment to him on how being negative prevents happiness and fulfillment from coming through. Remind him of the cheerful energy found around a happy, giving person.
In the end, any change is his choice alone.