Control issues and honoring self
QUESTION: Masters, I have a friend, she passed through hard times and I helped her a lot, today she is fine and we feel we are very much connected, we are fine but sometimes I feel this connection is like a prison, like I could not be freed from this friendship. Something bothers me inside about this friendship. I really don’t know why it happens and why I feel so bad in noticed I can’t have a normal life because I feel stuck in this friendship. I feel so bothered with it and I can’t be strong enough to end it if it is not so good to me. ~Luciana, Brazil
ANSWER: You have given all your power to this “friend” and she has taken total advantage of you. You have gotten her so spoiled that she thinks all she has to do is ask something and you will respond without thinking. This is happening only because you are allowing it to happen.
You are finally sensing that this is not something you want to continue, but you have gotten into such a pattern that you feel you cannot stop being the servant slave. What you are saying to her, and to yourself, is that she is more important to you than your own desires and needs, and you are giving her control of you.
Do you feel she is more deserving than you? If so, why? If not, why are you still allowing her to dictate to you? This is all about how you see yourself. You desperately want to be loved, and you felt that if you took care of her she would need you and you would feel complete. Instead, you have given up your life for hers.
To change the situation, you need to take back your life. That does not mean that you cannot help her occasionally. It only means that you should assist her only when you truly want to give your time to her.
When you first stop being her doormat, she will be upset because she no longer will control every aspect of your life. But keep asking yourself if you really want to do as she asks. If the answer is no, tell her you do not feel you can do what she wants at this time and then walk away. Gradually she will stop trying to control you.