Dealing with ego judgment
QUESTION: Masters, there is something I have struggled with throughout my relationship with my partner and I do not know what to believe. He stirs up my insecurities and fears. I would like to know whether there is any truth to those fears, or is it a false perception? I appreciate any clarity or assistance for this situation, and what I or we can do to finally heal? ~Holly, USA
ANSWER: You must understand that all your thoughts are the result of lessons you wanted to work on in this lifetime. First off, you wished to experience being controlled by another through the actions of psychological and emotional abuse. You wished to see how long it would take you to honor yourself by stepping up to the plate and acknowledging (a) what you were allowing to happen and (b) that you are an equal with your partner and have a say in your own life.
Lessons of yours include dealing with lack of self-confidence, lack of self-worth, and feelings of guilt for whatever happens to you because you accept blame for everything, even what you did not initiate. From the beginning of this relationship, you deferred to him on everything because you wanted him to love you and thought that he was so much stronger and could direct and protect you.
Your fear is real because these lessons are all glaring at you through the guise of your mate. When you think that he is correct in the statements he makes, even when not in agreement with his assessment, you give him power over you to make you feel as you do. Giving him that power creates an insecurity in your mind about what is right for you.
He is not doing this to be malicious. He thinks that, because you do not confront his actions, you are in agreement with his evaluations. Nothing is right or wrong on a spiritual journey. All journeys are for the purpose of learning, so you can let things stay as they are or evaluate each interaction between you and see if it feels good to you. If it does not resonate within you, then ask yourself what is wrong and how you can change the energy.
You have freedom of choice and the decisions are up to you. Step back and look at your situation dispassionately; without the emotions, things will be much clearer. Then make a plan for removing the insecurities, emotions, and fears from your life.