Parents to be and not in love
QUESTION: Masters I’m having a very hard time in my life right now. I’m still not in love with the father of my unborn baby and I think I’m trying too hard to bond an emotional connection with this guy. I want to be with him for the sake of the baby and he says he wants the same but I guess all we feel for each other is lust. He’s dating several women at the moment and I could care less as long as we raise this baby together. Is he being honest when he says he wants me as his wife? I just want my baby close to its father from day one and I hate the idea of my child having a stepfather. What are his real intentions? Why is this happening to me? I’m very stressed out ~Miamite, England
ANSWER: The father of your child is going through a wild phase right now and has no intention of settling down; hence all his various girlfriends. He definitely plans to have input into his child’s life but would rather not be close enough to have to change diapers and have sleepless nights. You are never going to be able to convince him that you need to do this together – as in one household.
When children choose the humans who will be their parents, they are aware of the relationship that is ongoing. Your child knows that you are not together and that, as much as you are trying, the father has no desire to get married. He may sometime in the future, if he doesn’t like one of his current girlfriends better, decide to finalize the union and get married. There are too many variables right now to say this is a given.
This is happening at this time so you can see what your actions created. You had lustful sex without taking sufficient precautions, and a baby was the result. You now have to take the responsibility for your actions. You cannot go backward and dictate the relationship between you and the father, because sex – and now this result – was not considered at all.
Your child will be aware of the emotions and energies that fill your household. Having a man in the house who feels forced to be there will send your child the wrong message concerning love and parenting. You say you don’t want a stepfather in the child’s life, but if the man truly loves you both, it can have a very stabilizing effect.
This is happening to you for you to work out these lessons and be more aware of consequences when you do things for emotional reasons only. You are an adult now and responsible for all the results of your actions – in this case it even involves a third person because of your carelessness.
Sex without love is a human bodily need sometimes. But if you engage in same, you must be prepared for pregnancy without a stable connection to the father. Then it is up to you alone to decide the future, since the baby is inside you and not the father.