Putting up with another woman
QUESTION: Masters, am I the only one who needs to deal with the problem between my husband and me? I have tried to find a way not to pay attention to my husband as he is looking at other women but I haven’t been able to find the way. What do I or we need to learn? Why can’t I just leave my behavior? Meditation has helped me but sometimes I just can’t help my negative thoughts towards my husband when I feel his energy towards other women. ~Annam, Finland
ANSWER: You wished to study the various aspects of jealousy in this lifetime. You also are dealing with a lack of self-confidence and self-worth, and with being able to stick up for yourself and voice your feelings. He is not going to change his wandering nature, so what bothers you is for you alone to deal with. He sees nothing wrong with his behavior.
To remedy your feelings, ask first exactly what it is that bothers you the most. You see everything he does as a judgment of your worth and his desire for you. The only opinion about yourself that is important is what you feel. If you are confident in who you are, his judgment means only that he has an opinion.
Whenever a person is more concerned about the opinions of others than they are about their own evaluation, they are saying to themselves, and the world, that other people’s thinking is more important than their own. You need to value yourself. Put aside what others say and think and appreciate who you are.
Tell your husband that his behavior is very disrespectful to you and you wish him to change. He will become defensive, which will tell you he is acknowledging that his actions are not as they should be. See if you can resolve this lack of respect, and if not, you will have to decide how much more you wish to endure.
You have the freedom of choice to stay or go – put up with being disrespected or call a halt and move on.