Each creates their own reality
QUESTION: Masters, lately I have experienced a lot of negativity from people who have been close to me (my husband’s family). Although I have tried to be selfless and giving, people have been really judgmental, pointing out only negative in me. Even my husband seems to have been affected by this negativity. He has been lately extremely rigid. I feel stifled and have been overwhelmed with the thoughts of suicide or running away from this all. And at the same time I am experiencing a
passionate affair with my new love. He too reciprocates my feelings but he understands the societal limits and tries to keep me free from blemishes/scandal; but I can sense that his feelings are genuine and intense and he was my husband in another lifetime. I feel lost right now and finding hard to cope. ~Anuraj, India
ANSWER: All souls bring to themselves what they had planned to experience during their lifetime. You create your own reality by what you think, desire, and do. When you are living a lie, you are projecting the energy of your deceit outward and feeling it as it comes back at you.
You are hiding your affair so that no one knows, but the way you are acting is creating negativity around you. People sense that you no longer are the obedient and loving wife. You no longer see your husband as desirable, and that makes him respond by being standoffish and restrained. He doesn’t feel love being directed toward him, so why should he respond with a loving attitude?
Just as you have not been honest with people about your desires, you seek to hide from your own actions by talking of suicide or running away. Meditate on your life. What do you want for your future? Do you wish to live between two different lives, not feeling comfortable in either one, or do you want to choose one and dedicate yourself to it?
Talk to your lover and see if he desires to commit to you. Ask yourself if this is a future with which you can live. Stop living two lives that are incompatible. Stop spreading negativity with your deceit. The negativity all originates from you.