Dealing with sexual abuse
QUESTION: Masters, I think I chose to experience sexual abuse when I was very young. I’m now in my twenties and fear having children. I experience anxiety and fear, and want guidance on why I chose this lesson at such a young age and how to heal myself. It happened before I could remember all the details, although I’ve been told a few times. The perpetrator, a family member, is still in my life. ~Catherine, United States
ANSWER: Your fear originates from the stories that have been told to you and your imaginings of what happened, since your memory is not intact. The ideas are even worse than the actual facts. Those who have told you about the events have dramatized the situation, giving it more “evil” disruptive energy.
Most of what you read into your experience is the fear, anger, and disgust of the well-meaning “historians.” This is further embellished by what you have seen on media reports and television stories about child abuse. Yes, you were sexually abused. You did not cause it to occur. A sick mind was behind what happened. Seeing that person on occasion has prevented you from being able to step back and examine your feelings.
This was a lesson you decided to have to see how long it would take you to understand that this was not your fault and that you have the strength to work through the negativity that you sense around the fear of letting a child of yours be a victim in the future. You don’t want anyone else to have to experience what you went through, particularly not a progeny of yours; so, you reason, no children = no continued abuse.
You can remove the impact of this abuse by reliving the events either under hypnosis or in deep meditation. Confronting the abuser’s higher self, or soul, without having to face the person physically, will allow you to deal with the emotions you harbor within. Talk to this unconscious self and see if you can understand the person’s motivation and can release the fear you have concerning the abuse. Not facing this energy will allow it to remain a barricade against a normal adulthood.
Your self-worth and confidence are being impacted by permitting this fear to remain without dealing with it. The abuse occurred while you were so young so that you could recognize it and deal with it and still have a happy, productive adulthood and family.