Justifying the past
QUESTION: Masters I’ve never had much of a career. Lately I’ve been wondering whether one reason for this isn’t that high-ranking people at work seem to dislike me. I get along well with other colleagues and some of them become my friends. Is there a lesson to be learned for me in this? My boyfriend died some 10 months ago. Our relationship was exhausting but I believe we loved each other very much. I’ve had a feeling that he has already reincarnated. Is this just my imagination? Did things between us go as “planned”? Will our paths cross again? ~Maritta, Finland
ANSWER: You are a fantastic saboteur. You have convinced yourself that you are being victimized by others because you have no confidence in your abilities or yourself. You also project your fears and sense of anxiety onto others, such as your superiors. Any bad feelings held by bosses are being reflected by you to them, and they are just picking up on your energy.
Love should never be exhausting. Trying to bend yourself to the wishes of another is. If you cannot say with absolute certainty that you loved your boyfriend, then you did not. You take all of your clues as to how to behave and what to feel from those around you. You do not want to have to make decisions or take responsibility for what happens to you. You seek others to tell you what to do.
Your boyfriend has not reincarnated yet. You want him to be in your life because he took care of telling you what your choices in life should be. You have a tremendous need to be needed and loved. You thought what he did for you was love. He used you for his needs but gave little to you.
Every soul has total freedom of choice. One of the life lessons you chose before coming to Earth was to be in situations where you could learn about love and taking responsibility for your life. There was no determination as to how that should take place. You are getting the choice to make these decisions, so you could say your life is going as planned.
Your future is up to you. Stop doing things just because someone is telling you to do them. Don’t do anything until you ask yourself whether it is something you feel like doing. Make your own choices based on your inner feelings. Search for the self-love within you.