Living with others
QUESTION: Masters, I’m one who does not know how to deal with human politics and it seems to be happening everywhere. I have thought of leaving my job but after many years, I’m still unable to know what I want and what I can do if I’m not working since I need money to survive. I’m quite afraid to get involved in politics and am too dense to handle it causing my kind boss trouble very often. I feel bad and tensed up as though I’m guilty and I do not dare to speak up to offer my help afraid of trouble. Should I even try pursuing other opportunities and can I even survive out there with my personality? ~Jun, Singapore
ANSWER: Your life lessons of lacking self-confidence and accepting without question whatever is said to you are at the root of your personal difficulties. You are hyper-sensitive to what is happening around you, even if it has nothing to do with you. You think people are talking about you all the time and imagine what you think they are saying against you, even when they are not saying anything about you.
The truth is most of the other employees talk about you only when they know they can upset you – it is like a game to them. These people can truly upset you only if you let them. If you do not pay any attention to what they are saying they will give up because it is no fun when they do not get a reaction from you.
What you call human politics is nothing more than the interaction between persons occupying the same space. When asked for your opinion on something, you hesitate, not wanting to make yourself vulnerable to criticism, because you feel you are constantly being judged. That is not the case. Some of your fellow employees believe you have something to offer and are just trying to get you to participate.
You can change the way you sense things in the workplace if you understand who you are and what your strengths are. Isolate yourself from others and see how comfortable that makes you feel. Then take that sense of comfort and open yourself to the interaction with others. When you feel a thing is right for you, don’t let anyone change your mind.
The only other possible situation for you would be one in which you work alone, with no contact with people. This would be very lonely and would prevent you from learning about yourself and the meaning behind your life lessons. The choice is up to you.