Creating an illusion
QUESTION: Masters, My best friend R always tells me that she has feelings of restlessness and a sense of impending doom concerning the person that she loves, M. She fears that M is approaching his death and may not live up to a certain age. She has told me that she can visualize having a family with him but cannot picture themselves an old couple due to his short life span. These thoughts have made her really stressful as suddenly, she starts feeling that something bad is going to happen to him. Though they are no longer in a relationship, she still loves M and I believe that she has created a strong emotional and mental connection with him. Can you explain about what she is feeling and is there any way that they could be together? Does he even love R as unconditionally as she does? ~V., Singapore
ANSWER: Your friend has created an illusion based on the life she would like to have. Since this man does not love her unconditionally, she is picturing an alternate solution to their spending the rest of their lives together. This ending, the termination of his life, gives her an excuse for them not to be in a relationship.
Her lesson in this situation is to realize she cannot influence anything that happens to this man, and that her purpose on Earth is to learn about who she is and not spend time picturing herself in a dream. She would rather continue with her made-up world instead of becoming aware of the actual events around her. She is running away and hiding from reality.
He parted from her in the first place because of her intensity and dreaming. The only way they could ever be together would be if he made the choice to give her another try. This will not happen unless she lives in the moment within the factual reality he shares.
This obsession is unhealthy for her and is taking her into a negative existence where results occur to accomplish the end product of unhappiness. To remake her life she would need to give up her ego judgment that this is the only man for her, shed all negativity that prevents manifestation of a fulfilling relationship, and spend time learning to love herself and this journey on which she has ventured.
Love of self is not selfishness but rather an acceptance of the lessons chosen and the actions required to understand them completely.