Only perfection will do
QUESTION: Masters, I’m a mom with two beautiful daughters. I have some problems in my relationship with my husband, in my financial state, with my house etc. I thought I’ll be able to be a good mother and do most of what I wanted to do for my kids to be happy. But now I find that It’s all too overwhelming for me and I’m not coping well enough and several goals about my life in general that I thought I was going to achieve failed. And I get problems with my kids now too. And I think- is it because I’m not trying too hard? Am I really a bad mother? Am I lazy? Was it designed so for some reason? I don’t seem to understand all about the situation and the lessons of it. I hope for some indication of where to go from here. ~Margarita, Russia
ANSWER: You have such intense expectations about the “way things should be” that you do not allow for the interaction of other people and family members. You are overwhelmed only because things are not going the way you think they should. You cannot dictate the way others will respond to the same stimuli you face. Every soul is on its own path.
You are very much involved in third-dimensional ego judgment. You are constantly judging, rating, and grading yourself against what you observe and read of others’ behavior. You are not them. They have different life choices that they are following. Your choices are to be able to understand yourself and your motive in life.
You have been fantastic in giving love and support to your daughters, but now as they age, you want to control their thinking and they are rebelling. Let them lead their own lives. They have to deal with their lessons to learn and to see where they will go from here. If anything you are trying too hard to be perfect. Lighten up.
Time is right for you to step back and evaluate what has happened in your life, marriage, and child rearing up to this point. What have you learned from the experiences? Is there anything you would like to modify in your behavior that would make life more pleasant for you? Do it.
It is time to stop thinking and working for others – husband, kids, other acquaintances – and start working on your spiritual growth. Stop plotting, envisioning, and analyzing, and start seeing what actions resonate with your soul. Always ask: How do I feel about this? Get away from the analytical thought comparisons that you have been making.