Choices
QUESTION: Masters. I feel as though I am living two lives. Someone once told me I had a ‘ charmed ‘ life and so I do. I live with my wonderful husband, have a great home, job, friends and feel so grateful for these blessings. However many members of my family suffer ill health and disability and look to me for both mental and physical support. I am now a caregiver for 7 people. Most days I grin and bear it but it’s so hard. Please don’t say it’s not your burden, let someone else take over. I’ve heard all these a million times and in reality it doesn’t work. All I want to know is what purpose is this all serving? Some days I just want to die. ~Christine, England
ANSWER: You know most of what we are going to say – you have no indelible obligations to those for whom you have taken responsibility. This is a position which you have chosen but that does not mean you cannot find other ways for them to be taken care of. You assume you are the only one who knows the right way to proceed and the only one who cares. Most others have gone into the background because they don’t have to do anything since you are taking care of everything.
You have given those around you power over your decision making and day to day life. You may remain in this fashion or you can gradually start to shift to a place of honoring yourself and retrieving some, or all, of your power. This is a life lesson for you one of determining if you respect your needs or if you are just a giver.
A number of your family are in “victim mode” they desire to have someone else take care of them so they don’t move to take any responsibility themselves. To some degree you are facilitating the neediness within them by always being there and holding them up. They call you instead of trying to solve things on their own. The longer they remain in this framework the weaker and more dependent they become.
This is your life and you make all the decisions. You have to decide when you are being taken advantage of and what you wish to do about it. You have pictured yourself as the donkey carrying the load and have to change that picture in your mind before anything else will change. You are beginning to chaff under the load. The choices forward are up to you. Nothing is right or wrong in this life – it is merely the lessons you learn and how that learning takes place.