Braving that first step
QUESTION: Masters, I am struggling at work with communication. I’m a foreigner here and I can see in people’s faces that sometimes they don’t understand me so I sit quietly so as to not make a fool of myself. And the other thing is that I create a distance with people from work. Where is that from? Is it self-esteem or some father issues? I do see a difference in communication but what exactly is the reason that I keep myself silent. What’s the biggest lesson here? ~Marga, Ireland
ANSWER: When you were a child learning to walk, you were not upset when you fell because your balance was not yet perfected. Learning the new language and local customs of a new place is just like learning to walk all over again. The problem you cause yourself is your expectation of knowing exactly what to do in each situation before you have the knowledge you need to be at ease.
You are hyper-sensitive to the imagined reactions of your co-workers. Some find your attempts to fit in very endearing, but you are not giving them the ability to tell you so because you shy away from contact. This reaction comes from deep inside you, not just from this instance. You have been beaten down and told you are nothing and will never be able to fit in. That is the truth only if you allow it to be.
You are a beautiful soul, but you have never been able to accept that fact and love yourself. The imagined thoughts and taunts of others can affect you only if you allow them to. What is vital is how you feel about yourself. Are you accepting of the wisdom you contain inside? You need to become comfortable within your own body. Love yourself for being who you are – the one who has the awareness of your inner beauty.
When you accept yourself, and disregard what you believe others are thinking or saying about you, you will find it easy to share yourself with others. Have confidence in who you are and what you think. Don’t let others tell you what you should be able to do. Relax and enjoy contact with others. If you feel embarrassed with your degree of language skills, ask people to assist you – they will be delighted.
You have created a self-imposed prison. It will remain as long as you hold the door shut. Know that you mean only to communicate and learn. Take the first step toward integrating into the workplace. If you don’t try to be a part of the group, it will never happen.