Choices
QUESTION: Masters, I have always been in love with a girl that although we are very close, she never really interested me. She moved to the United States and married. Today I am married to a wonderful person who was interested in me and I ended up being seduced. We had no children. She has a brother with schizophrenia who lives with us. She had a very hard life and I’m in doubt if I stayed with her for help or was a way to forget about my other passion. Yet I doubt if I made the right choice and also if I will be able to assist them. ~Marcos, Brazil
ANSWER: You were infatuated with something you could not have. She never saw you as anything other than a friend, like a well-loved brother. You have issues of lack of self-worth and haven’t been the recipient of much love in this life. Because she unconditionally accepted you, although it did not include romantic love, you saw her as your salvation.
When she was gone you felt an emptiness and were starved for affection. Your wife saw the potential within you to be useful to her in her caring for her brother. Your life with her has been consumed with meeting their needs. Her true concern is her brother and not you. You are a means to accomplishing a comfortable living for “her family.”
She does not love you as you seek to be loved. She does love you for what you can provide for her. Your lack of self-confidence and self-worth make you see her as much more loving and compassionate than she really is. Her life has been hard but no harder than your own. She convinced you that you needed her and should get married so that she could have security for herself and her brother.
You have always let others tell or convince you about what “you wanted to do.” It is now time to honor yourself and start making your own choices about life. You are just as good and worthy as any other soul. You have the ability to create a world where you may welcome in a truly loving companion who will share the rest of your life with you.
Spend some time alone asking yourself what is happening around you. How often do you make the decisions concerning your life? See how you feel about the way you are being treated. Imagine what your prefect life would be like and then start manifesting it.