Divorce destruction
QUESTION: Masters, deep inside me, I know I need to divorce my husband to allow each other to move on with our lives. It is very sad that I cannot receive his love and give him my love for the past 10 years. He does not agree with the divorce. Fear, grief and guilt have held me back from divorce. The limbo situation has been very draining for us. It really pains me when my son, in his 20s, told me he is very fearful that he might also face a divorce in the future. My son’s happiness is of utmost importance to me. Please advise what I can teach my son and what I can do to minimize the impact of the divorce on my husband and son. ~Anxin, Singapore
ANSWER: Your son sees your current situation as an example of what destruction can be created by a piece of paper that seemingly binds people together. Your marriage has been a sham for at least a decade and will not get any better. You have nothing in common with your husband any longer. If you want to grow in understanding of yourself in this life, you must distance yourself from him.
Your son is afraid that he may get stuck in a situation like yours. He vows not to allow himself to be held captive as you are. That is why he feels that he will have to get a divorce after a period of time rather than live in a tumultuous place such as the one you have chosen.
You must be true to yourself and do what is best for you. You fear the unknown, grieve for what might have been, and feel guilt because you cannot make this union work. Trust in yourself and you will find the way to a happy life. Change the grief into relief that you will no longer be living a lie. You are not in a successful marriage; leave it and find another that will satisfy you. Acknowledging your feelings is not cause for guilt; you should rejoice at no longer having to pretend to others that you are happy. Being honest with yourself and others is nothing to regret.
Your husband wants only to keep you as a possession to take care of his needs. Your son sees easily the problems that arise the longer you two stay together. Have him talk to his father and free you from this restrictive situation.