Need to know
QUESTION: Masters I was advised to move but one question would make me make the decision. I want to know if my husband was chaste before marrying me, whether he liked someone more than me. It may sound silly but it shapes my future because everything with him seems to be hard work for me as he is never satisfied and always complaining. Please advise. ~Hannah, New Zealand
ANSWER: Your question is not really about him but about you and your insecurities. You have given your husband control over how you see yourself and what you feel. Stop it right now and decide if you want to live your own life or still be controlled. If you are truly going to move and leave your husband, look only to the present and the future and keep the past from holding you back.
If your move includes your husband, then why torture yourself with what might have been? Your insecurities will not lessen if you learn the truth, whether you interpret it as positive or negative. What another says or does cannot hurt you unless you allow it to do so.
Start to be your own person. Do things because you want to do them. In dealing with other people, there can only be a fight if you partake. If someone starts a fight, walk away or refuse to engage in the fracas. The only person you need to satisfy is you. If you do the best you can in a situation, how could you have done any better? Even if others disagree with your opinion, you know the truth—let that knowledge be your security.
Your husband is a very negative person. He does not enjoy being with positive people. Be a positive person by always seeing the good in every event and he will change if it feels good to him, or he will want to be as far away from you as possible. You don’t need to know about the past. Live in the now; visualize a fantastic future.