The choice of rebellion
QUESTION: Masters, I am worried about my daughter. As a single mother raising two children I have been severely challenged. My son is an extremely hard worker and helps out with his little sister. She just turned 18 and follows the “Goth” lifestyle. She is working full time and going to college but she is always in trouble at work and hangs with the wrong crowd. We are about to go to court for a driving-under-the-influence charge that she picked up. Is she headed to jail? What can I do to assist her?
ANSWER: Your daughter is in full rebellion against you and the society that allowed her to be raised in a split-up family. Since you have been forced to work so much to pay all the bills, your son became the man in the house and the father figure for your daughter. He, unfortunately, was absent a lot too because he started working at an early age to help make ends meet. She dearly loves him but is being told by others that since he is just her brother, she doesn’t have to obey him.
Her friends have become her family. They provide her with the rules of her life, which she happily embraced, until now. This drunk driving charge has really whipped her head around. Being handcuffed and processed by the police, and not too kindly either because of the attitude she picked up from her chosen family, has been a wake-up call to her.
Now is the time when she will be willing to listen to you about the choices that one makes in life. Comments about the proper appearance to have in court, in order to show due respect to the judge, will allow you to get her out of her Goth clothes and makeup. She does not want to spend any time in jail, but it will happen if she maintains her usual attitude of indifference to mainstream society.
This situation is an opportunity to get her into an intervention program where she can learn the rules of society’s expectations for a young lady. She is receptive to new information coming from authority figures if it will keep her out of jail. The choices she makes and the earthly punishment she incurs are completely up to her.
You have her full attention. Take this opportunity to teach her about freedom of choice. If she still chooses to show her disdain for society she will suffer the consequences with jail, community service, and probation—and losing the privilege of continuing to drive. It’s her choice.