Star struck
Sunday, February 10th, 2008Q. Masters, I have a friend who is completely obsessed with a movie star. Her entire room is like a shrine to this person. She insists on trying to purchase the same type of clothing. She wears the same hair style, and mimics her mannerisms. This is beginning to drive me crazy, and it is coming between us because I refuse to say that this person is the most fantastic being on the planet. What can I do to maintain our friendship and bring my friend back to reality?
A. First, you must realize that your friend’s reality is in being within the obsession that controls her. She has the freedom of choice to live within that reality, if she so chooses, and you will find it difficult to replace it until she wants to let it go.
Her obsession grew out of a lack of self-esteem and a desire to feel important. Her parents are always telling her that she is a nothing and never will be anything. This is her way of running away from her current existence. Within this obsession, she has the sense that, in fact, she is the star and is admired by thousands of people.
At this point she is just playing a role—rather like being in a continually running drama. Except for your suffering friendship, this action has not had a negative effect upon her college work nor her job.
She needs to have her self confidence restored. Compliment her on the things that she accomplishes that have nothing to do with her hero. Let her see that she is successful in her own life. Start with the fact that she is a great student, very well liked, and accomplished at her job as well.
Suggest that it might be beneficial for her to talk out her obsession with one of the school counselors, or her minister. You can’t make her change, but you can be there to help her find her way, if you choose.
