Analyzing relationships
Sunday, February 3rd, 2008Q. Masters, I know that I am in a relationship that is not good for me. Whenever I am with my boyfriend I can feel myself being drained of all my energy. He is a good person and I don’t want to hurt him by leaving him. I like him but I am not in love with him. I feel that I owe him for all he has done for me. The strange thing is that I had two previous boyfriends and this seems to be a carbon copy of those relationships as well. Can you help me?
You have had a pattern of trying to please the men who show you attention. You feel an obligation to them if they have invested any time in you, and feel that your needs are secondary to theirs. After you have been in the relationship for a while you begin to realize that your companion does not have the same ideas about love and life that you have, and that he wants a dependent relationship rather than a sharing one. In dependent relationships, one partner is always sucking the energy out of the other. You first think he will change, but when he doesn’t, you want to withdraw.
Early in this current relationship you became aware of exactly what was happening and decided that you did not wish to stick around and be an energy food source. Your lack of self worth is making you hesitate to break off the relationship. “I must owe him something.” “I do like him so I have an obligation to stay.” It is now time to exercise your freedom of choice for your own benefit.
Whatever you do is neither right nor wrong because you are learning from these experiences. The repeated pattern has developed because you have not learned to honor your feelings about these issues. When you appreciate your own individuality and allow yourself to claim the right to your desires, you will have learned this lesson. You will no longer need to repeat all, or part, of it ever again.
