Masters of the Spirit World

Question: Masters, I have a complicated relationship. We love each other very much, but we have very different perspectives on life and that has always been a problem, because he’s very childish and sometimes selfish. I’m now pregnant and he’s going to another country to work for more money, even though I asked him to stay with me. I always choose to love unconditionally, but this time I feel the urge to do something for me and my baby, instead of just letting it be his decision once again and hanging on to someone that doesn’t seem capable of being responsible. Am I being selfish? Could I be throwing my happiness away? ~Andreia, Portugal

ANSWER: It is a fact that you cannot get people to do something they do not wish to do. Your mate loves that you love him unconditionally and takes advantage of that fact. He is selfish in many ways since he really only thinks of himself and his desires. He is not concerned about you or the baby.

Getting the opportunity to leave you for a job away from you makes him able to justify not being around to help as you get ready to have the child. He won’t be there for the child care and sleepless nights. He doesn’t see this as anything he should be or wants to be involved in. He can barely take care of himself; how is he ever going to be able to take care of a child?

You are not being selfish; you are being reasonable. You see that your opinions should have an impact on the relationship, and he refuses to accept that. It is time to decide if you wish to start making your own decisions instead of going along with everything he wants. It is time to take back and assert your power.

You will have to define what you see as happiness. To some it is allowing others to make all the decisions and not having to take any responsibility. To others it is using their freedom of choice to control their life and making all the decisions concerning their existence.

Nothing is right or wrong. There are many ways to learn lessons in this life. It is your choice if you wish to remain in this situation or change it and look for another. Happiness can generally be found where you feel good about yourself and the life you are leading.

QUESTION: Masters, I have been divorced for almost 14 years. Second marriage of seven cohabiting and 16 years married, have one daughter, helped him throughout medical Interventional Cardiologist education and fellowships (with specialty in “mind playing games”). This is the sixth time going to “Contempt of Court for non and under payment of support obligation” and countless other times for related issues. I’m in late 60’s and financially depend on it. We had many lives together with him being envious, jealousy and resentful of our daughter and me, we took this lifetime the task to help him into spiritual progression. I am exhausted for going to courts. Will this be the last time? Will this be his turning point or are we doomed this whole lifetime with this suffering? ~Jane, USA

ANSWER: You have had a history of being the giver and letting others make all the decisions for you. Your ex sees you as easy to manipulate and does not expect you to stick up for yourself. He also is aware of the anxiety he generates by his actions and finds it to be fun.

Even though he is respected in his profession, he is a naïve, spoiled little boy when it comes to dealing with you and his daughter. You are correct that this is a series of interactions that have lasted many lifetimes. He is still fighting to “win” over you and the obligations that have been imposed on him. He is perfectly capable of fulfilling the Court’s dictates, but he would rather cause you angst. The Court is getting fed up with his antics and is about to come down on him with a threat of jail time if he doesn’t stop playing around.

Nothing is going to make him see the spiritual growth behind this battle. He sees everything through his ego. He has the possibility of seeing it as a life lesson, but that would remove his manipulation. He still perceives you as the one getting things for nothing and is jealous of the “ease” with which he feels you are able to accomplish things. He realizes he would not have made it through school and various residencies without your help, and that makes him resentful that he couldn’t do it alone.

Just keep bringing him back to his responsibility and some day he may step back and see what a jerk he has been – but don’t hold your breath.

QUESTION: Masters. I feel as though I am living two lives. Someone once told me I had a ‘ charmed ‘ life and so I do. I live with my wonderful husband, have a great home, job, friends and feel so grateful for these blessings. However many members of my family suffer ill health and disability and look to me for both mental and physical support. I am now a caregiver for 7 people. Most days I grin and bear it but it’s so hard. Please don’t say it’s not your burden, let someone else take over. I’ve heard all these a million times and in reality it doesn’t work. All I want to know is what purpose is this all serving? Some days I just want to die. ~Christine, England

ANSWER: You know most of what we are going to say – you have no indelible obligations to those for whom you have taken responsibility. This is a position which you have chosen but that does not mean you cannot find other ways for them to be taken care of. You assume you are the only one who knows the right way to proceed and the only one who cares. Most others have gone into the background because they don’t have to do anything since you are taking care of everything.

You have given those around you power over your decision making and day to day life. You may remain in this fashion or you can gradually start to shift to a place of honoring yourself and retrieving some, or all, of your power. This is a life lesson for you one of determining if you respect your needs or if you are just a giver.

A number of your family are in “victim mode” they desire to have someone else take care of them so they don’t move to take any responsibility themselves. To some degree you are facilitating the neediness within them by always being there and holding them up. They call you instead of trying to solve things on their own. The longer they remain in this framework the weaker and more dependent they become.

This is your life and you make all the decisions. You have to decide when you are being taken advantage of and what you wish to do about it. You have pictured yourself as the donkey carrying the load and have to change that picture in your mind before anything else will change. You are beginning to chaff under the load. The choices forward are up to you. Nothing is right or wrong in this life – it is merely the lessons you learn and how that learning takes place.