Out of the control loop
QUESTION: My estranged best friend has changed a lot over the last few years. She is in a long-distance relationship with someone she has never met. On her 21st birthday, we reconnected and celebrated with drinks. Her boyfriend has now separated us, just as we were getting reacquainted, and I am heartbroken. The situation was a severe misunderstanding, and she believed him without asking me for my side of the story. Will we ever be friends again? Will she be safe with this boyfriend who seems to be a controller clear across from the other side of the country? How can I move on and get over the hurt? ~Margaret, USA
ANSWER: Your friend is spending a lot of time on lessons of control, self-worth, and self-image. She is totally unaware of what she feels or thinks about things and relies completely on the word of others for her interpretation. She is desperately seeking love, and her current sense of love is coming from this phantom she has never met. It is easier for her to give him total say over her life because she has made up her own reality around his communications—it has become her existence.
This man is a manipulator and controller. He sees her as a pet who can be made to do anything he asks of her. Your friend is running from the physical reality of her life, a life which she finds unfulfilling and boring. Because she has never met this man, she can see him, in her imagination, as a savior, a knight in shining armor. To her he is the guide she always sought. She has never been able to satisfy herself, so she thinks he will make all her decisions and everything will become as in her desired fairyland.
At this time she will do anything he asks for fear of losing him if she doesn’t. She has to realize that this is not living, that she has to take responsibility for her own future and exercise her freedom of choice. The choices are now up to her. There are too many variables out there for us to see what she will decide. Send hopeful intentions to your friend so that she might see what is happening and break the spell he has her under.
You must realize that this is just another lesson that she sought to have during this lifetime. It has nothing to do with any intentional desire to hurt you. Reach inside to the love of your soul and the unconditional love that all carry within. Refresh yourself there and then venture forth into new experiences with a knowing love that you are doing what you came here to do, and the hope that she too will reach that awareness.