Phantom lover
QUESTION: Masters, one and a half years ago I started loving a guy on the phone. Nowadays some bitterness has come into our relationship because of his rude and non concerning behavior. What am I to do? Earlier he used to talk to me a lot on phone but after getting into his job he doesn’t talk a lot with me. I feel very bad because once I loved him a lot. I am thinking about a breakup but still it is difficult. Does he still love me? What should I do? Seriously I am not able to forget him. I cry a lot when I am all alone. ~Akshara, India
ANSWER: Your phone romance began during a time when he was bored and found it was fun to have someone fawning on every word he spoke. He could create and project an image of himself that he didn’t have to make real. He was trying out his sales and relationship techniques on you in a safe environment. Without personal contact he was safe to say and do anything he wanted.
His intention was to have you hang on every word he said, becoming dependent on his contacts. He wanted you to want him because it was great for his ego, which had been deflated in another relationship. He told you what he could sense you wanted to hear. He had very little invested in the emotions he was generating in you.
He does not love you and never loved you as anything other than as a woman he could manipulate through words. You so desperately need to be loved that even this minimal amount of energy made your heart sing. This is a good lesson for you in learning to value yourself more. It is the same as falling in love with a Bollywood star. Go out and meet someone face to face so you may see in his eyes if he is playing with you or is sincere.