Stuck in the known
QUESTION: Masters, my wife and I have been married for 26 years but I feel our relationship is more karmic than anything. We have both done some hurtful things to the other over the years but neither of us is interested in separating from the other. (At least I speak for myself here.) Sometimes it seems like we stay together because of our children, but I feel we’d probably stay together even if we didn’t have children. Our feelings are polar opposites. When I’m happy, she’s not. When she’s happy, I’m not. But, when I’m away I want to be home, and I know when she’s away she wants to be home, too. Will you shed some light on this? Is this karmic, or is it just our way of experiencing duality, or is it something else? ~Tom, USA
ANSWER: It is time to start examining what your life, your singular path, means to you. What do you think your marriage is about? Saying things are “karmic” means you don’t feel you have any freedom in how things play out, but no one is pulling your strings. You are making the decisions. Each soul has total freedom of choice in setting up its lifetime.
You like sameness, or at least predictability. That is why you can’t wait to get home when you are away. You already know how your wife is going to react to every occurrence. When you are set into a pattern, it is like a rut. You think you can move forward only as long as you stay in that rut. Nothing is further from the truth; you can climb out any time you choose.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with this type of living. Just don’t blame someone or something outside of you (karma) for it—you are making the choice. Because you and your wife are polar opposites, you have the sense that you are seeing the world. What you are getting is just enough experience that you don’t clamor for more. You are stuck in the comfortable familiar.
Your children are seeing one way that life may be lived. Staying together and choosing not to make different decisions about your life is not doing them any favors. They are seeing that you may live a nice life without taking responsibility to explore the world beyond or outside of your pattern.
The question becomes: what do you want your life to be?