Cause of disastrous cycle
QUESTION: Masters, yet another of my relationships is coming to an end. I have just made a discovery that most men I’ve been with are emotionally unavailable to me. They are selfish with big egos, and are totally driven by money, public recognition, and admiration. What does it actually say about me, if I am drawn to these qualities? ~Adriana, UK
ANSWER: To this point you have been desperate to be in and stay in a relationship. This “need” is what precedes you and tells prospects you will do just about anything to start a connection with them. In the beginning you present yourself to be exactly what you think a good candidate would want in a woman. You morph into a perfect person. You are looking for someone who is worthy of you, so he must be successful, able to take you to nice places and introduce you to great people and situations.
If you look at those requirements, you have a person completely playing society’s game of survival of the fittest and the one with the most toys wins. This creates an egotistical, selfish individual concerned only in advancing himself so that he may have more money and more toys; oh, and you as his trophy woman. This is what you have been looking for—and found! You don’t recognize what a jerk you have picked up until you get tired of being who you are not and relax into your own non-egotistical, non-judgmental, loving self.
You will bring a different type of man into your life if you begin each relationship exactly as you are. Don’t say or do anything you do not completely feel or believe in, unless you wish to change into that kind of a person. You draw to yourself whatever you project outwardly. If you project a mask, a false image of yourself, that is what you get in return. If you ask the universe for a caring, sharing individual who will listen and love you, that is what you will encounter. Stop being so desperate. Start being choosy. Settle only for someone who, from the very beginning, gives you a good idea of his ideals and way of life. This is the only way to change your pattern.