Honoring your journey
QUESTION: Masters, I have spent my life helping people who are incarcerated and the mentally ill. After 23 hard years I am now medically retired due to an attack on myself by a mentally ill prisoner. I loved my job but it burnt me out with such heartbreaking situations that I witnessed but I now feel lost and feel guilty for not being able to be there for them although because of PTSD being diagnosed I have to look after myself and get better. What can I do? ~Gillian, N. Ireland
ANSWER: Your life has been one of service with very little concern for yourself. After all this time, the attack occurred so that you might examine and evaluate where you, as a soul, are going in this lifetime. It was easy to get totally drawn into your work and to bury your personal feelings in order to take care of those who were so troubled and tangled in their lives. Now it is time to focus attention on yourself and what you have left undone as you cared for the clients.
During your employ you identified with a number of the problems plaguing the inmates. You never acknowledged to yourself that some of the issues were similar to your own. The PTSD you now suffer is the realization that there are energies you need to accept and release in order to move on from where you are right now.
Instead of trying to suppress the experiences when they arise, embrace them and see what lesson is within. Start to see yourself as an individual and not just a care giver. You easily assume responsibility for others, but for yourself you place your needs aside and hide behind your work. You must start to see how beautiful and fantastic you are. Self-love and self-respect will lead the way. Responsibility for yourself and your daily feelings is key.
On some level you believe that you deserved what happened to you, and that is why you cannot release it. Give up the guilt, both over the attack and over your condition. This is just part of a life lesson to accept yourself and gain the knowledge that you are the only person who is having your special life journey. You don’t need others to assist you, and you can’t really assist them with their lessons.
Start each day with an inventory of the feelings that greet the day. Look at any negative things that pop up and see where they originate from. Find the positive counterparts to these negative energies and substitute them. In working through your negativities you will find the issues that are creating all your blockages and emptiness. This life is all about learning who you truly are.